Caroline Bingley's Very Secret Diary
by greyandgrey
Summary: Everyone's favourite "spinster" has some things to say and some adventures to live :
1. Chapter 1

_**Caroline Bingley's Very Secret Diary**_

I had to go to the wedding feast. There was no getting out of it. I had to put on the frilly dress and get my hair all up in twists only so I could see Darcy walk up with that common girl, smiling and waving as if they were the King and Queen. My insipid brother and his ridiculous bride were grinning like fools, proving that this wedding was the only culmination of their existence.

Well, I sat in my corner all night and drank port wine. Cannot say I was dissatisfied with the dishes; I tried all of them.

I was far too distraught to dance and I suppose it was noticeable since no one asked for my hand at a reel.

I've lost Darcy forever. I could admit defeat, but I know it was not a fair fight.

What does she have that I don't?

I suppose I am growing old and ugly. Yet I am no common, ignoramus, as she is.

But then again, who appreciates that anymore?

Before Elizabeth walked into his life, Darcy always paid me many attentions and was considerate about my well-being and general happiness. Now, if I threw myself in front of a chaise he wouldn't mind.

And now everybody is married.

Even that cheeky tart of a sister Elizabeth has.

I am sick and tired of this dreadful neighborhood. I shall pack up my belongings and go to London to my sister's house. She shall have greater entertainment (and at least I know her marriage is rickety).

I wrote a letter to Darcy telling him I am in London and if he (and unfortunately his wife) should ever come by he must immediately visit. I expected an answer right away but Charles only wrote to me that _Mr. and Mrs. Darcy_ were gone to Bath.

My sister received me with great gaiety, complaining she was so afraid without her husband at home.

'He has only gone to Manchester.'

'Oh, how far that seems to me, poor lonely creature! My nights are growing weary without him.'

Oh, yes, indeed. She must miss his usual snoring during supper and his late card games he plays with himself while singing loud, obnoxious Irish songs.

I was there to comfort a sister and get a taste of the London life.

After a couple of days however, I wrote to Darcy again.

This time, I confessed a great deal of things and I am embarrassed to say I did not conceal much. I remember a passage.

…_and you must know you are my greatest companion and without you I feel quite meaningless, Mr. Darcy. I know I am impudent to tell you all this but I am quite at a loss for the given words to express my esteem and care for you. _

After many attempts at a decent letter (all of which failed) I finally sent him a missive to Bath, telling him I missed his gratifying presence.

I was afraid his new wife would not approve of him receiving letters from me (which is downright cruel, he is, after all, a dear friend).

I went to see plays at the new theatre every night and in every play I saw myself as a tragic heroine, cast in the midst of life with no one to hold onto. Now, I suppose it is a bit exaggerated but I was always prone to scheming great things.

I usually walked out into the alleys with my sister and our coach driver, muttering old songs we knew from the balls that took place when we were younger.

By and by, we saw wonderful shops and we bought many scarves for the cold weather to come, but I bought no ribbons. I had no reason to put them on.

Then, on a rainy Thursday I received a letter from Georgiana Darcy.

_Dear Miss Bingley, _

_I am happily bestowed to invite you, on the part of my dear brother and his charming wife as well, to join me in Bath as my companion, for I miss your kind manner and wise advice. I hope you can…._

It wasn't such an interesting missive. After all, I knew the little girl couldn't stand me and it was only at the beckoning of the newly weds that she agreed to invite me or spend at least an hour in my so called "kind" company without calling me a hag behind my back.

But it matters not. It means Darcy might have received my letter and thought of me.

I shall go to Bath!

* * *

I was preparing that night to leave for Bath, arranging all my gifts and clothes in bundles. I had bought many things for Darcy and Georgiana, but I had to spare something for Elizabeth.

I did search through all my trinkets and I found nothing I could give to her.

I decided to go at once and buy ribbons or something as silly as that. I wanted to look splendid, so that Darcy could see he had lost a veritable catch.

My sister got bored instantly (she was never such a bright person) and demanded we go eat some nice cake at some bakery. I refused pertinently and went on searching until the rays of dusk reddened the pavements.

I would find the perfect little gift to show Elizabeth I am above her.

When my eyes suddenly feasted on a beautiful set of china, I noticed another man was intent upon buying it. Yet it was the one superb gift I could get for the newly weds and I was not about to give up.

'Excuse me, Sir,' I began politely. 'I do hope you are not considering what I think you are, for that set is mine to have.'

He turned in a very abrupt manner and bowed respectfully.

'How queer you talk madam. The set is here for everyone to have.'

'Yes, but you see, I have decided to buy it.'

'So have I!'

'Yet it is not right for a lady to wait on a stranger who is a man!'

'Why ever not?'

'It is not proper. I must have the set.'

'Oh, that is not my interest,' he replied rudely.

'How can it not be? I am in agony and you prolong it, Sir! I am going to get this set for a dear friend of mine who has just wedded.'

'Fascinating as this may be, I need the set just as much.'

'How so?'

'I am also giving it as a gift to a dear friend who has just wedded.'

'Impossible!'

'So which of us is to have it?' he asked.

'Of course, I should!' I demanded. 'After all, I am the one in a terrible situation. I do not even want to give them anything.'

'And yet you are buying an expensive set,' he added.

'Well, there is no need to be cheap, even in sufferance,' I proclaimed ceremoniously and took the set in my tiny hands. 'Now if you'll excuse me…'

I managed to take the set for myself and as my sister would not help me at all I had to carry it all the way home because we had run out of money for a hansom.

The gentleman at the store offered to take us home, but I refused. He was terribly rude to refuse to give me the set in the first place! Men are growing worse with each day.

Except Mr. Darcy. He shall always remain a wonderful, generous model of a perfect gentleman.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Day 1 and Day 2. (and bothersome buffoons)**_

I reached Bath around afternoon when the streets were overcrowded and every young dull female with expensive gloves walked with her old and wrathful governess, talking about uninteresting trifles.

The gentlemen were hiding inside their offices, drinking crushed mint, assuming a disposition that would not allow for worldly affairs.

Well – I first stopped at my aunt Cecily where I changed clothes and washed myself.

I discovered my face withered and battered. I felt old, but in no case defeated, for I trusted my fortitude to sustain me throughout the day.

I put on a blue dress with silky sleeves and took my white, modest chapeau, adorned with green basil.

Aunt Cecily wanted me to supper with her, but I concocted a silly excuse. Anything but to be stuck with her old canasta friends, darning by the fireplace, talking about their deceased husbands.

'The Darcys are expecting me and it would not do to make them wait. Mr. Darcy himself wants me to arrive as soon as possible.'

It is very amiable to lie in cases of urgency.

I took a chaise and was off to Pentworth Hall, the residence of the Darcys.

The shops were all open and full of eye-taking knick-knacks that I would dare look at but never purchase for myself, for one must greatly value an object to give such a ridiculous sum for it. Still, I was very partial to flowers so I did not think it a waste for men to buy them, for they are ever a woman's true comfort.

Pentworth Hall, as I knew, had belonged to an Italian family, long ago but Mr. Darcy's grandfather had purchased it for a song. He had had a good spell to acquire such a vast property so easily. The Italian residents had tried planting various trees that would surely not last in a climate as changing as Bath's. I declare, I saw lime trees on the gravel path to the house.

The house itself was tolerable, if not slightly overdone, but it suited large parties. It was certainly not a home for a family, but I believed Elizabeth indifferent or ignorant to such details.

* * *

I was received with pleasant cordiality by Elizabeth and Georgiana and I must confess that the first looked better than I had last thought. Miss Bennet always had seemed a rather sweet, bad-tempered plain woman, but her husband's influence had suddenly turned her into a duchess. I fear it may get to her head and then there shall be no end to it. Georgiana, on the other hand, looked very meek, poor dear and seemed rather grey. It was ridiculous for a rich, pretty heiress to find reason to sigh.

Their company was to a point agreeable, but they do not have the sense of hospitality, especially when the guest is tired and irritable. Certainly, I preferred seeing Mr. Darcy for he always alleviates my general listlessness.

'Oh, Miss Bingley, let me show you the wonderful galleries,' Elizabeth told me excited.

I had no interest in seeing her far-fetched and tasteless collection of mediocre artists, but I daresay I would have offended her person by refusing this pleasure.

Eventually I managed to get my luggage upstairs and be settled somewhat comfortably.

I presented my humble gift to Elizabeth, who considered it a most gentle gesture. Georgiana praised the china to be delicate and artfully designed.

'How considerate of you, Miss Bingley! They shall be perfect for the drawing room.'

'We are expecting the other guests to arrive soon,' Elizabeth added. 'We're having trouble putting them up, as you can imagine.'

I understood her fears as any matron would, but I did not assist in her distress, for she ought to perceive that she is no longer in Hertfordshire and should be able to fulfil her duties as wife and lady of the house.

I wished to find an excuse to inquire of Darcy, but presently I was taken to the terrace to enjoy the fine air of Bath and take a look at the wonderfully kept gardens.

Georgiana walked next to me, fidgeting and searching for something to say.

'Miss Bingley, how is London this time of the year?'

I had found it rather boring and lackadaisical, but surely the feelings of a young lady must always be embellished. One cannot disappoint a young lady.

'Wonderful, Miss Darcy. The shows at the theatre are particularly good.'

I have always wondered at the expensive garments and vehicles those young actresses flaunt to the high public. One cannot tell the difference anymore between courtesans and actresses.

I was feeling rather dissipated and by this time wished I was alone to reflect or in any case be disappointed, but my feelings regained their natural course when I saw Mr. Darcy himself coming from the garden.

Indeed he was far better looking than before. The weather has suited him fine. And his general mood seemed changed. However, a most grave shadow came over me as he walked towards his wife genially and held her hands most warmly. I should be ashamed of course, but I suppose my regrets cannot die away so easily.

The pangs of love are insufferable indeed, if it is love that I feel.

'Miss Bingley, what a pleasure it is to see you again,' he said bowing courteously. 'Your journey was pleasant, I hope?'

'Very, thank you…I am very content to see you in good health, Mister Darcy.'

'I have just returned from town. I hope you have been made comfortable and my wife was obliging.'

'I have nothing to complain of, Sir.'

He doted on his pretty wife and anyone could see his affections were genuine. He was a perfect gentleman in showing them and did not, by all means, become indifferent to others in the presence of Elizabeth.

For the present, only two more guests arrived until supper. Those were of course Mrs. Reynolds and Mr. Reynolds, but Mr. Darcy hoped for an early arrival of the entire party the morrow.

'Your sister, is she very well, Miss Bingley?' Mrs. Reynolds inquired.

'She is in good health, but misses her husband terribly. He has gone on business I'm afraid.'

'But you have been of great comfort I suppose? Why did she not wish to join us in Bath?'

'Oh, my sister cannot stand the sea, bear it as she might. She is decided to abhor it.'

'Oh! Goodness but what a pity! I am sure you enjoy it though, Miss Bingley.'

Mrs. Reynolds was a delightful woman for having the gift of talking only in firm sentences and only pretending to ask something she already was aware of.

At last, I was alone in my chamber to think and judge as I pleased and I loved nothing better. For try as I might, it was displeasure to see the happy couple in all its glory, making love to each other in every moment, talking courteously and never quarrelling. I imagined myself strolling serenely with Darcy in the gardens and those dreams, fanciful as they were, afforded me a quiet night.

* * *

The following day I spent it almost entirely with Georgiana talking and commenting upon the general view of Bath as we promenaded through town and inspected the shops.

When she was fifteen she was a very uninteresting little girl and I had hoped she would progress and afford better conversation but she was as paltry as before, even more so, without the attentions of someone like Mr. Wickham. The only interesting thing that could have been said about her was her elopement and that did not add much to her character.

She always got very bored when we perused through book shops and would start telling me some daft story of one of her friends falling off a horse. I wanted to caution her that her manner of speech was most unreserved, but I knew that she would not comprehend my meaning. I wished to be left alone to my own devices, but for Mr. Darcy's sake I took her with me wherever I went and showed her the best things to buy, though not encouraging her to spend her penny so trivially. I was known for my frugality though some called it (unwisely) parsimony.

We spent our afternoon in the park, which could afford us a general view of the sea.

Georgiana was revelling in her new purchased gloves.

'It's a fine set, don't you think Miss Bingley?'

'I daresay you couldn't have done better.'

'Do you think I should wear them at the Ball tomorrow evening?'

'I think they would make an affordable impression,' I commented with little interest. Georgiana was modest enough or at least professed modesty in all aspects of appearance, for she dreaded to be seen as silly and improper. The cruellest thing was that this young girl had all the charms of a very attractive woman and I daresay when I was her age I did not appeal in her manner but had better head.

'Think you the Colonel shall come?'

'I can see no reason for him not to come. He is your brother's trustworthy friend.'

'Indeed, but I fear he has been so occupied in London…' she confessed worried.

I knew the entire story too well. After the abysmal (but not altogether unforeseen) behaviour of Mr. Wickham, a weak, wounded girl like her was comforted by a fatherly figure such as the Colonel and finding him her superior and by no means unpleasant she decided to like him and little encouragement made her liking turn into an insecure love.

I knew however that the third Bennet daughter had her heart on marrying him. Yet it was easy to see the choice he would make; after all, situation and prospects were never to be ignored, no matter how much affection stood in the way. I remember having told Jane Bennet, when she was a Bennet, this same conclusion and she felt rather insulted and looked down upon when I had simply shared a truism of society.

I suppose I was proven wrong. She did marry my brother. Love sometimes, only sometimes, won in the battle of interests. But I knew that generally it rarely happened so.

And if it did, it could only take place between two uncommonly oblivious people such as my brother and Jane Bennet, or…Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth Bennet.

'He shall come if he seeks your attention,' I assured her. After all, I knew that in less than a year she would be telling me how the Colonel proposed, all on the spur of the moment. Sometimes I wondered at the dull world we lived in. Only these exchanges seemed to matter anymore; the ones where one proposed and one was accepted.

If one waited for something more interesting to happen, one should have turned their eye on the lower classes. They had invented a skeptical romance of some sorts since to them consequence and position meant almost nothing. It could mean something when they felt close to acquiring some importance and then – then they would forget all about their loved ones for the sake of fortune.

'Do you think he seeks my attention, Miss Bingley?'

'Depend on it, Georgiana, if he has any intentions he shall make them known. The Colonel is not the sort of man to be very romantic or inventive in his manner.'

'Romantic! Oh, but I do not expect anything…' she said abashedly.

Oh, there are times when I wish young girls weren't so shamefully daft.

It makes me be ashamed of my sex and then I would adopt too many of Elizabeth Darcy's opinions.

'Well, do not be too enthusiastic, whatever you expect. Let him come to you,' I told her wisely, though I suspected she would completely neglect this advice.

Our walk back to Pentworth was pleasantly interrupted by none other than my dear brother.

'Charles! How happy I am to see you have arrived so early. I do hope your wife is well.'

'Oh, Jane has already settled herself with Elizabeth, they are talking animatedly, or so I have left them. I have come to meet you. I had heard you and Georgiana were coming this way.'

'It is a happy enlargement of our walk, Mr. Bingley,' Georgiana replied beaming happily. 'I daresay we will be even happier when the Colonel arrives.'

'Oh! But he shall be here in no time. By the bye, Caroline, I've met the most excellent of men. A Mr. Elton of Essex. Apparently, his brother is married to Colonel Fitzwilliam's sister Isabella. I must confess I hardly know Isabella's husband as it is, but his brother is a very amiable man.'

'Is Isabella coming as well?' Georgiana asked most inopportunely.

'Colonel Fitzwilliam has promised to have both his sister and her husband at Pentworth very soon.'

I could not make an opinion of this new acquaintance, but I gathered that many of the guests had arrived and I would be in want of patience with a great majority of them. As for Colonel Fitzwilliam's sister, Isabella, I knew not a woman that resembled a child more. Whomever she had managed to attract must have been blinded by her uncommon prettiness.

* * *

Our party was not as large as I had foreseen it and I was already acquainted with half of them, but I did not bear a quarter. Mr. and Mrs. Brown, the vicar and his impetuous wife, never ceased to amaze me as most singular characters. They always made it a necessity to talk of every new animal they purchased and they usually named all of them and those names were always those of previous vicars or saints and patrons. Mr. Brown then found it his duty to relate the story of all these characters. It was a gruelling task to sit next to them at dinner.

Then there were of course Mr. and Mrs. Collins who always came off as an elderly grandmother tending to her young nephew. Nothing could be more mortifying for me than to see them act as husband and wife. Mr. Collins was an exemplary coxcomb that could not entertain the smallest of conversations and as for his wife, she was a very unhappy, simple woman who knew nothing better but to say "Yes, my dear, how right you are", "You know best my dear." Though I suspected she had a liberal mind that she kept hidden from such a terribly stupid man.

The Bennets did not exceed my expectations of having improved after having two of them marry so well. The mother and father were dismally impolite and indifferent to niceties and the two daughters were walking aimlessly and ogling at everyone whom they did not know.

Poor creatures! I suppose being confined at Longbourn is a punishment young ladies should not be submitted to.

'Miss Bingley! It is wonderful to see you again! We have not talked since the weddings,' Mrs. Bennet assaulted me in the drawing room. 'You look very well. Pray, tell me how you stay young so well.'

She has been blessed with the gift of offending in the most subtle of ways.

Before settling for supper we all sat in the drawing room as a draught had started outside and I was trapped between my brother and his wife and of course they shared with everyone the new affairs at the estate and how difficult it was for Jane to keep three maids without being tempted to let them all go.

Before long I had started yawning and I tried to hide it as stealthily as possible. I preferred Georgiana's company now but she was quite engaged in a talk to Elizabeth and the Colonel and I knew better than anyone that no one could tear her away.

Mr. Elton of Essex was certainly a colourful character, effusing many anecdotes to the two Bennet sisters and trying his best not to seem out of place, but I could see he was a mere buffoon. His manners were too rough and his speech too witty in his attempt to prove himself, yet he was a preferable distraction. I had a very strange feeling I knew him by face but I could not recall the occurrence.

However, as the afternoon wore on, the little groups in the drawing room dispersed and I managed to come close to the Bennet sisters joined by Elizabeth, who were eagerly trying to find out more about Mr. Elton.

'And what is your estate like, Sir?' one of them asked.

'I would not call it estate, Miss Bennet, but it is a very tolerable home for me. Now that my brother has left me I feel much to my ease.'

'Oh! But isn't the loss of your brother a grief?'

'It would if I was a female, but in such cases, I am happier to have my own way. Our dear father died before he could be part of the happy marriage.'

This reply was very abrupt and half-impertinent to me, but I said nothing.

'And what think you of Mrs. Elton?'

'Isabella? She is a darling creature of little to no consequence, but what she lacks in sense, she more than makes up for in natural talent.'

'Natural talent? How so, Sir?'

'Oh, she makes the most stirring of sounds and can amuse an entire audience with her antics,' he replied chuckling.

Mr. Elton proved to be even more ungallant with this very acrid offence to his sister-in-law. No matter how silly Isabella really was, no one could be excused for such speech.

But yet again the Bennet sisters remained untouched by this spectacle. Only Elizabeth, it seems, wrinkled her nose and made it a point to go for the time being.

'She must be a very entertaining creature, then,' I finally spoke. 'Your brother is certainly in luck.'

'You are Miss Bingley. Am I mistaken? I did not make your acquaintance.'

'You are not. I am indeed Charles' sister.'

'I thought I knew you, Miss, yet I was not sure at first, but now your tone has secured it. I had a very lovely encounter with you, back in London, when we haggled over mere china, I'm afraid. Isn't that amusing Miss Bennet? Of course, I was a gentleman and immediately sacrificed my own wishes. You find it kind Miss Bennet? It is only natural for me to have acted so.'

Most shocking! I was quite furious to be exposed in such a shameful way, but more for having recognized him. He was an intolerable, insufferable milksop who was now mocking the gentility of a real gentleman. And had the favour of those oblivious sisters to make use of.

'I recall something very wise you shared with me then. "There is no need to be cheap, even in sufferance" you told me and I must say it proved a very thoughtful and useful adage. The philosophy behind this saying is fascinating to say the least.'

There was nothing I could reply to this that would not betray me, but I was infinitely vexed and not even my fan could hide my discontent.

Not before long, we were all called for supper and it proved a useful distraction from such a dreadful conversation. But I had quite decided to loathe such a man.


End file.
